Cain Bows out of Campaign to Spend More Time with Mistresses

December 3, 2011

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EP: Washington DC – Republican presidential hopeful Herman Cain effectively bowed out of the race today, officially  suspending his campaign. In front of a crowd of supporters, Cain explained his decision.”I suspend my campaign today in order to better pursue my relationships with various women to their full extent. The campaign limited my opportunity to […]

Posted in: Personalities, Politics

Gingrich Expects Surge in Polls Until Public Remembers He is Newt Gingrich

November 17, 2011

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EP: Washington DC – First it was Michelle Bachman, then Rick Perry and Herman Cain. Now its Newt Gingrich’s turn to join Mitt Romney at the head of the pack. In what is shaping up as one of the most volatile Republican primary seasons of recent memory, former House Speaker Newt Ginrich is enjoying surging […]

Posted in: Personalities, Politics

1,027 Palestinian Prisoners Released for Gilad Shalit Do Not Have Names

October 19, 2011

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EP: Jerusalem – Gilad Shalit, the Israeli soldier held captive by Hamas  since 2006, was released on October 18th in exchange for 1,027 Palestinian prisoners who have no names. At a press conference in Gaza city, a number of the recently released prisoners addressed the issue in front of a handful of reporters. “We realize that by […]

Tall Blond White Males Not Concerned About Ethnic Profiling in Wake of Norway Attacks

July 25, 2011

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EP: Oslo, Norway- A recent poll conducted by Gallup reveals that tall blond white males between the ages of 27 and 45 are overwhelmingly unconcerned that fallout from the recent terrorist attacks in Norway will result in increased profiling of tall, blond white men. Anders Behring Breivik, a 32 year old nordic man of white, anglo […]

Hermain Cain Questions Whether Muslims are Human, Affirms He is Still Not a Bigot

July 18, 2011

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EP: Washington DC – During a press conference today, Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain openly questioned whether being a Muslim and a human being are intrinsically compatible. “First let me clarify that I am not a racist, or a bigot. Look at me, I am black, therefore those words cannot apply to me. However it is not clear to […]

Trump Channels Racism in Bid for Presidency

April 26, 2011

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EP: New York – Real estate mogul turned TV personality Donald Trump is mounting an improbable run for the White House and claims to have a winning campaign strategy that will get thim there. “There are still a lot of racist people in America who are afraid to say racist things” explained Trump to reporters “what I am doing is […]

Area Muslim Man Not a Terrorist

March 10, 2011

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EP: Peoria, IL – Earlier today Azim Ali, a civil engineer working in the county parks department, was declared “Not a Terrorist” by FBI agents in a press conference at city hall. “We had no reason to believe Mr. Ali was a terrorist, and after a six-months undercover investigations, we are convinced he is not […]

Posted in: Radicalism