Tiger Woods Adopts Palestine as his Celebrity Cause, Palestinians Disappointed

Posted on April 7, 2010

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EP: Hebron- On a regular day you might find Ramzi Hasan in better spirits. The 19 year old Palestinian  lived in Hebron most of his life, and despite decades of brutal occupation by the Israelis, was a relative optimist when it came to the future of his people. However, the announcement earlier today by Tiger Woods has left many Palestinians wondering when, if ever, they will catch a break. “Why did we have get stuck with Tiger Woods?” Ramzi wondered out loud, “if it was a year ago fine, but as soon as his reputation goes in the crapper he has to associate himself with us? Unbelievable.”

After selecting Palestine as his celebrity cause, Woods hired some Arabs to explain how he can best use the conflict to distract the media from his personal failings. Here he is seen discussing plans to build a golf course in the West Bank.

Woods, whose reputation is still recovering from recent scandals, announced at a press conference in the run-up to his highly anticipated return to golf that he will use his celebrity to bring attention to the plight of the Palestinian people who he said “have been suffering way too long, or so I’ve heard.” Sources close to Woods confirmed that the world’s best golfer  contacted several charitable causes since the story of his infidelity broke, offering to make them his  “cause celebre.” However, he was not able to come to any suitable arrangement and ultimately decided on Palestine by process of elimination. “Palestine has not been championed by any A-list celebrity for more than a few decades, so I hope that my star power can solve whatever problems they are having over there” remarked Woods in a prepared statement.

Many are criticizing the timing of Woods announcement claiming that his advocacy for the Palestinian people is a publicity stunt to distract the media from his personal failings.  “Its very clear that Woods’ public image is under incredible pressure right now” explained John Forster, Senior Editor for US Weekly. In a phone interview he laid out the possible rationale for Woods’ announcement: “Celebrities normally pick much ‘safer’ or non-controversial causes such as finding a cure for cancer or saving cute animals like baby seals. Who wouldn’t want to support that? Given how controversial Palestine is, this means Woods is making a calculated bet that the endorsement dollars he will loose by supporting the Palestinians are less than the endorsement dollars he will loose by allowing his marital infidelities to remain in the headlines. Its really a bold PR move. If this helps his bottom line, who knows,  maybe more celebrities will start picking Palestine as their cause.”

If distracting the media was his goal, then Woods apparently succeeded. All three major networks led their evening broadcasts with footage of Woods’ announcement regarding Palestine. CNN has already announced it will preempt regularly scheduled programming to air a special detailing Woods’ new found passion for liberating the Palestinian people.

However, Palestinians remain unimpressed. “Darfur gets George Clooney. A bunch of kids from Malawi get to go live in Madonna’s Manhattan apartment. The environment gets everybody from Al Gore to Leo DiCaprio. And we get Tiger Woods, after his brand is completely ruined. Why not throw John Edwards and Eric Massa in for good measure?” remarked Fadi El-Zubayri, a Palestinian from Gaza city.

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