US Military Contemplates Ghana Invasion in Wake of World Cup Loss

Posted on June 27, 2010


EP: Pentagon – United States military officials were summoned for an emergency meeting at the Pentagon the evening to June 26th immediately following a heart-breaking 2-1 US loss to Ghana in the first elimination round of the World Cup tournament. While details about the meeting were not made available to the public, sources inside the Obama administration claim that an effort is underway to organize an America invasion force into the tiny west-African nation.

Members of the Ghanaian World Cup team celebrate their 2-1 elimination victory over the US. Many expect the US to invade Ghana and kidnap its top players for the 2014 World Cup.

The following day during a round of interviews on Sunday morning talk-shows, Defense Secretary Robert Gates  began articulating to the American public what many believe to be a rationale for invading Ghana. “Following a second elimination loss to the Ghana in as many tournaments, its clear Ghana is seeking to challenge American supremacy around the world. This is not something we can allow to happen, nor is it something we will take lightly. The United States is the most powerful nation in the history of the earth, and we will not come in second to any nation in anything, especially not Ghana.” Gates also indicated that the ultimate goal of the invasion, in addition to discovering mineral or oil deposits, would be to implement what he called “extraordinary reverse-rendition” where the top members of the Ghanaian football (soccer) team are captured and re-located to the United States for forced-naturalization,  making them eligible to play on behalf of the US team in the 2014 World Cup. The controversial practice is seen by many as a modified version of “extraordinary rendition,” a policy where persons of interest are apprehended by the US government, and through extrajudicial transfer, are remanded into the custody of foreign governments, usually for the purposes of torture. “Even if they don’t end up playing for us, at least they won’t be playing for Ghana – that is for sure” added Gates.

Some human rights groups have criticized the process arguing that it is in direct contravention of international law and violates a number of treaties to which the US is a signatory. Gates dismissed the protests adding “we all know these people would give their right arm to be Americans, so what’s the big deal? Anyways, since they are coming here to play soccer they don’t really need their right arms so we will keep that in mind if they are not cooperative.”

As the run-up to a possible invasion gains momentum, some are questioning whether the financial and military resources required for such an effort are worth it. When asked to comment about a potential invasion, James O’Connor, a auto-mechanic from Detroit, responded “what they heck is a Ghana?”