Arab Leaders Relieved Wikileaks Not as Bad as They Thought

Posted on November 30, 2010


EP: Cairo – As the United States diplomatic corps struggle to control the fallout from the latest Wikileaks release, Arab leaders are breathing a sigh of relief after becoming aware of the contents of the documents. “People are saying these documents are making us look bad” said King Abdullah of Jordan.  “But trust me, I think I can speak for all of us when I say this stuff barely scratches the surface.”

Muammar Ghaddafi, the leader of Libya, is dismayed that the Wikileaks reports failed to address his relationship with a 3-foot midget.

The Jordanian King, who  is known as a relative moderate in the region for his strong support of Israeli settlements, was one of the Arab leaders placing back-channel diplomatic pressure on the US  for an American-led attack on Iran. This effort was spearheaded by King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, who is currently in the United States seeking treatment for a “hip” injury. The King received reporters in his recovery room and expressed a similar sense of relief. “You know I had been hearing about this Wikileaks release for weeks now, and I was really concerned that my web browsing history would show up in there somewhere – that would be real embarrassing given my role as the custodian of the holy mosques.”  As King of Saudi Arabia, King Abdullah is the defacto governor of the two holiest sites of Islam, Mecca and Medina.

When asked their thoughts on being  revealed as hypocritical, duplicitous and cowardly, most of the Arab leaders were generally okay with the characterization. “Like I said, the stuff that is out there really isn’t as bad as it could be” repeated Abdullah of Jordan. President Hosni Mubarak of Egypt agreed. “I am a little sensitive about my role as someone who sanctions torture and murder, but if they want to call me a coward or a hypocrite, well frankly that is par for the course.”

Muammar Ghaddafi, the long time leader of Libya, has received significant attention for eccentric behavior detailed in the reports including his close relationship with a “Senior Ukranian Nurse” that accompanies him whenever he travels. “If they have so much detail on the nurse, I am surprised they did not mention the three foot midget that comes with me on all my official state visits” said Ghaddafi, who is known for odd behavior. “I spend a lot more time with the midget than I do the nurse, but you know the news media, always digging up the most outrageous or sensational news item.”