Area Muslim Man Not a Terrorist

Posted on March 10, 2011


EP: Peoria, IL – Earlier today Azim Ali, a civil engineer working in the county parks department, was declared “Not a Terrorist” by FBI agents in a press conference at city hall. “We had no reason to believe Mr. Ali was a terrorist, and after a six-months undercover investigations, we are convinced he is not a terrorist” said James Ellroy, the lead detective on the case.

The FBI announced earlier today that Azim Ali, seen here walking down the street, has no connection to terrorism.

After being cleared of all links to terrorism, Mr. Ali returned home to a small parade that formed  in front of his home. Neighbors who he claimed “never gave me the time of day” welcomed the 44 year-old Peoria resident with a spontaneous outpouring of joy. “I am so glad this man is not a terrorist” said Beth Monroe, a retired school teacher who lived next door to Mr. Ali for 35 years and always suspected him of ties to radical organizations. “To be honest it was a combination of his name and his skin color that really got me thinking. I just didn’t feel like he was patriotic. But now that the government has cleared him, really what do I have to worry about?”

The probe into Mr. Ali is part of a larger effort by the FBI to investigate the entire population of Muslim Americans in an effort to remove a creeping suspicion on the part of regular Americans that their Muslim neighbors are “evil.”

“It is not fair for Muslim Americans to live in this country under suspicion, so we are going to go out there and clear their names by investigating every single one of them to prove they are not terrorists” said former Homeland Security Chief Micheal Chertoff. Chertoff, who previously made a small fortune selling high-priced x-ray scanners to American airports, is providing logistics and consulting services to the FBI effort for an undisclosed amount of money.

Azim Ali declined to comment for reporters and asked to be left alone. He was last seen collecting several American flags posted on his lawn from the celebration earlier today.

Posted in: Radicalism